Recently, I had an opportunity to coach someone about starting the process of making some changes in her life. She was feeling stuck, and not knowing how to proceed, how to start the process of moving forward.

We started the conversation by reducing her sense of overwhelm; I asked what area of her life, when changed (for the better), would then improve the other areas she is currently experiencing challenge. She said her health and finances.

We talked about her health first. Intuitively, I saw that she needed to make some changes, but I felt a sense of defensiveness and a strong need for security; the sense came across as the need for her to “hold on to her position.”

How We Reach Into Our “Excuse Bag”

When we “hold on to our position,” we do it out of fear. Fear can keep us in a state of paralysis, and help us create “reasons” for not taking any action that may move us forward.

These “reasons” can sometimes be nothing more than “dressed up” excuses; if this were a fashion accessory, it would be what I call an “excuse bag.” We all carry one around, in some form or “fashion,” and have an excuse on hand to pull out, one that we somehow know will apply to the situation at hand.

Suddenly seeing yoga around her, I asked her to tell me about it. “I had to stop going to yoga class because I don’t have the extra money for it.” It has been my experience that when we use the word “because,” a reason is going to follow. I pay attention to see if the reason is valid—or if it is going to be an excuse.

“Have you explored other options for continuing the yoga?” I asked, sensing having yoga in her life would assist her in her physical challenge.

“I just said that I don’t have the money for the yoga,” she repeated, with a tone that said,  I want to hold on to my position.

“My role as a coach is to assist you in exploring possibilities and options. Have you considered finding either a no-cost or low-cost option for yoga?” I asked.

“No,” she responded.

“How does the reason of not having money serve you in this situation? Could it be that holding on to the position of ‘not having the money for yoga’ keeps you right where you are?”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” she replied. I love that response; it means that the person is now opening his or her mind to possibilities.

After she came up with more options to explore, I was then ready to shift the conversation to her finances. I asked her to tell me more about that. We talked about the work she is currently doing to earn money. She likes the work she is doing, but she also wants to do work she is passionate about. So, I asked her the natural question: “What are you passionate about?”

“I don’t know. I keep asking and praying for clarity, but the answers just don’t come.”

“What do you get out of staying in the land of ‘I don’t know’?” I asked. “How is that serving you?”

“I can’t imagine what I would be getting from not being clear.”

“Could it be possible,” I began, “that remaining in the land of ‘I don’t know’ keeps you from taking any kind of action? As long as you continue to state, and therefore believe, that you don’t know what you are passionate about, you won’t do anything about it?”

“I hadn’t really looked at it that way,” she said.

From there, we talked about the things she had been passionate about in the past. I asked her about activities she is currently engaging in. She casually mentioned that she would like to work with animals, but “doesn’t want to cut them open.” “I don’t want to be a vet,” she stated. I asked if there was something else she could think of, in terms of working with animals, that didn’t require her cutting any open.

At this point, she mentioned she likes to walk dogs, and is currently walking the dogs of an out-of-town friend. I invited her to consider taking this activity and creating a service in which she gets paid to do it. It was at this point, she reached into her “excuse bag,” and said, “A friend of mine suggested the same thing, but I don’t want to go downtown to do provide this service.”

“Are there no people with dogs in the area you would want to provide this service in?” I asked.

She realized she was responding in the same manner as she was earlier in the conversation: She was making an excuse for not making a change in her life. Excuses aren’t really reasons; rather, they’re just how we justify not going after what we say we want in life. We can only succeed when we stop telling ourselves why we can’t, and start living a life that shows we can.

What’s Your Excuse? A 4-Step Process to Stop Making Excuses

Do you find yourself reaching into your “excuse bag,” pulling out the “reasons” why you’re life is not changing? Do you wait for things to change, only to find they stay the same? Here’s a process you can use that can shift the energy of an excuse:

• List all your excuses for why you have not, or cannot, accomplish a particular goal.
• Now, go through each one, and find ways to get around, or solve, each one. There is always a way, but as long as those excuses sit in your head without being addressed, they remain obstacles.
• Begin to convert your list of excuses into a “to do list” and prioritize it.

For example, when I asked my client about the areas of her life that were having an effect on her life overall, she said her health and finances. Those became her priority areas.

When she used her lack of finances as the reason for discontinuing yoga, she needed to ask herself two things: “What other options are available to me outside of a gym membership so I can continue yoga?” and “What changes can I make with my finances that would allow me to continue taking yoga classes at the gym?”

With her finances, she needed to consider the skills she has acquired over time that she could “employ” now to create additional income. What other activities, like the dog walking, was she engaging in that she could create a service for others—and get paid for it?

• Check off things on your list as you do them. Feel the sense of accomplishment from getting started. It helps to look and see all the things you have already accomplished, no matter how small they are.

I will close with a quote I came across recently: “If you want to start making progress, stop making excuses.” One way to start that process is to put down the “excuse bag.” Where you’re going, you won’t need it.

Your partner in dropping the “excuse bag,”

James

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