At the top of the year, I blogged about the idea of setting intentions rather than making resolutions, as it has been reported that 80% of those who make resolutions break them shortly thereafter.

Once we set an intention, we then have to act on it. We have to be clear, though, that those actions we are taking are supporting the intention; if not, we’re actually sabotaging that intention—and more importantly, sabotaging ourselves.

A Woman Sabotages Her Intention

Recently, I had a client call me, asking me for an impromptu session. My schedule was clear at that moment, so I was able to have a conversation.

The client, a woman, wanted to talk about the possibility of a relationship, in that a gentleman was subtly dropping “hints” of his interest in her.

In talking more about this, the client revealed that she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend.

A bit perplexed, I asked her about the fact that she was asking about a new potential romantic interest when she wasn’t over her previous boyfriend.

The question I asked was, “Just what exactly is your intention in this whole thing? What is it that you want from this?”

Her answer betrayed her. “I really just want to be by myself.”

In response to this, I pointed out to her that her actions were not supporting that intention. “If you want to be by yourself, why does it matter if someone else is interested in you—unless you’re going to either tell him that you are not interested, or that you are not in the space for a relationship at this time?”

But the problem was—she was interested. And she did not want to have the type of conversation I was suggesting (what I sometimes call the “difficult conversation”) in which she actually gets what she was coming to me for—the answer to the question, which she could get from the man, rather than live in the land of assumptions in her head, and creating a story where there might not be one.

We wrapped the session up with my client restating her intention to be alone at this time in her romantic life. We talked about her “burning why” for this, what she was feeling she needed for herself at this time. She decided she really needed to heal from her previous relationship, and needed to really take good care of herself.

Are You Helping—or Hindering Yourself? It’s All About Your Intention

So, I ask you now: Are your actions supporting—or sabotaging—the intention(s) you’ve set for yourself and your life this year? Are you helping—or hindering—yourself?

Here’s a process that may be helpful to you:

• Recall the intention you set for this time of your life. What was your “why” at the time you set the intention? How would honoring this intention make your life better?
• Recall the actions that you thought or felt you needed to take to honor the intention. How did you feel about them initially? What did you first think about them? Were you able to commit to them?
• Think about all the things that would keep you from honoring the intention and taking the necessary action steps. If you can identify these things easily, these are the things that are going to sabotage you. You’ll need to take a hard look at these, and work on changing these areas. In the case of my client, she first needed to really work on letting the previous relationship go. And admitting that the man was “bad news all the way around,” she had to really be honest with herself about still wanting to be with that type of man. Life was presenting her with an opportunity to heal herself and she had to decide to make the most of the opportunity she was being given.
• If you can’t readily identify the things that will hinder you, try this: Ask yourself what do you get out of sabotaging yourself—how does that serve you? I continually find that people are challenged by this question, but the answer can truly be transformative; the answer uncovers the need that’s being met through the sabotaging behavior. Once the need is revealed, ask yourself to consider what proactive—rather than reactive—steps you can take to meet the need.

Doing this will help to move you forward—which will be supporting your intention—and more importantly—supporting you.

Your partner in supporting—not sabotaging—your intentions,