In my last “Working Your LifePlan” column, which was on creating the life you want, I stated you must begin by asking yourself the crucial question, “What do I really want?”

“What do I really want?” is one of the most important questions you will ever ask yourself, and one that will apply to most situations that require you to make some life-changing decision and take some life-altering course of action.

The question is simple enough, on the surface, but few of us answer it honestly.

We let ourselves get caught up in what we think we should be or what we should do, as well as what we want other people to think of us, or what other people expect us to be doing with our lives.

And, it can be hard to scratch the surface and look deeper at our own underlying motivations for life and for living.

I invite you to seriously ask yourself this question, and to answer it honestly.

And then ask it again.

The point is to really get to the core of what you want. Getting to the core will free you from getting caught up in the details of what you think you want so you can actually achieve what it is you really want.

Since part of my work involves career paths, you might say, for example, “I want a successful career.”

Then I would ask, “But, why do you want a successful career?”

There may be a number of reasons: you may want to feel productive and fulfilled in your work; you may want respect and recognition; you may want to acquire a certain level of financial security.

Now you must ask yourself why you want those things. What would you discover about yourself as you answer the question?

For example, you might discover that the idea of being productive makes you feel that you have found meaning in your life through the work; or that you feel loved when people give you respect and recognition; and that the financial compensation you receive allows you to feel safe, or validates your self-worth and self-value.

You might discover there is a running theme in all the things you want to accomplish, such as love or freedom.

When you know what you really want, you give yourself more options to find fulfillment because you can free yourself from the idea that certain details have to be in place in order for you to have happiness in your life.

As you continue to create your life, remember not to get stuck on the details. If you get stuck on the details, with the expectation that things have to be “just right” before you can move forward, toward the life of your dreams—then you probably won’t get very far.

“What Do I Really Want?” The Exercise

Here’s an exercise to help you get to the core of what you really want in life:

Make a list of everything you want in your life. These can be things ranging from physical objects to changes in your current relationships.

Once you have your list, narrow these things down to the underlying emotions of each want. These represent the emotional needs attached to the things you want. These feelings are at the core of each want—and represent what it is you really want.

Finally, consider the ways you could achieve these same things in ways than how you are currently pursuing them.

I welcome the opportunity to hear what feelings you discover are at the core of what you really want in your life. Please share your insights and comments with me below.

Your partner in creating the life you really want,