Self-sabotage occurs when people consistently think of themselves as not able to succeed to such an extent that they develop an identity which causes them to sabotage themselves every time they have a chance to succeed. This is not a conscious activity, so it is very confusing to the person who has this problem. This usually happens because of a string of incidents which leaves the person coming to conclusions like this about him- or herself:

• “I start projects, and I don’t finish them.”
• “Everyone else is right when they blame me for things.”
• “I always stop just before I become successful.”
• “I will never be successful; success is for someone else, not me.”
• “Other people will be jealous of me if I succeed.”
• “When someone gives me a compliment, I’m sure they’re just being nice and they don’t know the real me.”
• “When things are going well, I expect things to start going badly.”
• “I seem to destroy all my relationships, even with people I love.”

Do you say things like this about yourself? Once again, you’re not alone. Lots of people do. If you are experiencing self-sabotage barriers and behaviors, it is because you have internal thought-processes and beliefs that are not in alignment with your desired goals. This is just an incorrect attitude you have about yourself, and you can change it.

Each of the patterns listed above has its own set of consequences that manifest in a variety of ways in our lives. Some are very obvious, while others might be a little difficult to identify. The key here is to list down and pinpoint the thoughts, feelings and actions that are leading you down the path of self-sabotage. Only then, with some conscious self-awareness, can we begin to put a stop to these patterns of behavior.

While it may seem difficult, you can break free from your self-sabotaging barriers. The first and most important step is to recognize your specific self sabotage behaviors and barriers (the conscious self-awareness I mentioned earlier). Once you have accepted full responsibility for your self-sabotage behaviors, you can begin the process of breaking free from their perceived power over you.

5 Tips to Overcome Your Self-Sabotage

The way to beat self-sabotage is by making use of the following techniques:

DIFFUSE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES: When negative things happen, and they happen to all of us, positive people talk their way through it by saying something like, “It wasn’t meant to be.” Another tactic is to realize that, yes, they are disappointed and they spend a few minutes being unhappy at the outcome, and then they move on. In this way, they’re not denying reality, but they’re not letting a disappointing outcome defeat them, either.

USE CONFIDENT SELF-TALK: These are positive messages we give to ourselves, and they can also be positive messages we receive from other people. Believe it or not, whether they come from other people or from ourselves, positive messages can have a significant beneficial effect on us.

COMPLETE WHAT YOU START: One main way to identify a self-saboteur is that this person never completes anything. Self-saboteurs get distracted or bored or even forget about the things they have begun. They move from project to project, inspired at the beginning but getting bored along the way. This has a negative effect on self-confidence. If this is a problem for you, counteract it by completing each project you work on before beginning another one. This will go a long way to rebuild trust in yourself and rebuilding your self-discipline. A good idea would be to write down all the positive reasons you should finish the project.

DEVELOP SUCCESS HABITS: Self-saboteurs believe that success is for other people and not them, but they crave it at the same time. If this is your problem, the way to break yourself of that thinking is to take on small projects at first, projects that you know you can complete successfully. Gradually, take on bigger projects as your self-discipline and your self-confidence increase.

DEVELOP WILLPOWER: Because of a lack of self-confidence, self-saboteurs quit easily. If you are a person who finds herself quitting in the middle of things, recognize that and remind yourself that successful people persevere in the face of adversity. Successful people believe in their own capabilities, overcome challenges, and refuse to give up on their dreams. Every time you push through to complete something, your willpower becomes stronger.

Just as you didn’t master the process of walking in one day, change also doesn’t happen overnight. However, it does happen over time. When you first began to take your first steps, you must have stumbled more than once. You got back up, though, and continued to struggle until you eventually mastered the process of walking. The process of change is exactly the same. The process will take a little time and effort. You will not be victorious overnight, and you might end up losing a few battles. However, in the end if you persist, you will end up winning the war over your self-sabotage patterns. And as you see yourself overcoming your self-sabotage, you will begin to develop a more optimistic attitude about yourself, your goals, and your life.

Your partner in success–not sabotage,

James