Success in 12 Months: The Art of Asking for What You Want
Welcome back to our Success in 12 Months blog series, as you and I enter Month 7. You’re past the halfway point now, into the second half, and we’re going to be talking this month about asking for things, your ability to ask for what you want out of a needed situation or when you need help.
This ability is sometimes the smallest little difference–the little shift you can make in your life–that can take you from frustration and failure to success and happiness.
If you’re unable to ask for help, if you’re too prideful or too nervous or just haven’t gotten good at the art of asking, now is your time to change that.
Because the most successful people in the world have literally learned the art of asking, and they often get help beyond what the average person gets because they ask for it.
I want to talk about this for a second, because you’re probably thinking this anyway. There’s great value in being able to stand on your own two feet and being able to be self-sufficient, doing things for yourself without needing anybody else to help you, so to speak.
I think we can agree that this is a powerful and important characteristic. But having said that, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it, especially when you know there’s somebody out there that has access to somebody or has access to a certain skill or talent or resource that you simply don’t have access to right now and they could elevate you from one level to the next, simply by you asking them.
That’s a powerful concept, because that takes nothing away from your ability to be self-sufficient or self-reliant.
When you ask somebody that has an advantage or has access to something you don’t, you’re simply taking advantage of an opportunity. It’s still self-sufficiency. You’re still the one creating the opportunity by asking.
Seeing somebody that has the ability to fast track you to a result you’re trying to get to, and not taking advantage of that because of your inability to ask, is actually going to delay your success and probably cause you more frustration that you need.
So it’s a very fine line, but you want to make sure that you don’t confuse or blur the lines between self-sufficiency and the ability to ask for help.
The other problem here is that people are often too stubborn or prideful or just nervous to ask for the things they want, as I mentioned earlier.
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to ask for something and your fear of what might happen, of the rejection that might come, was the only reason why you didn’t ask?
I’m sure you’ve done it before. I know I have. The most classic and common example is wanting to ask somebody of the opposite sex out for a date and you just don’t do it, you can’t build up the courage to do it because your mind tells you, “What would happen if they say no?”
Well, nothing happened because they said no. All that happened was you asked for something and you got an answer.
We need to understand what asking is really all about and be able and willing to do it.
If you deserve a raise, ask for it. If you need a letter of recommendation for somebody, ask for it. If you need advice or a helping hand, ask for it and ask with the expectation that you are going to receive a favorable answer.
When you ask meekly or nervously, where your body language is telling the other person that you expect a negative reply, then you’re creating the environment for that to happen.
Your Weekly Exercise: When Were You Too Afraid to Ask for What You Wanted?
This month, you’ll have four different specific exercises or action steps that I’m going to be recommending.
This week, I want you to take some time to really think about 5 times where you were afraid to ask for something.
This involves some personal reflection and might be a little bit painful to go back in time and think of those situations where all you had to do was ask and a whole different world could have opened up for you, but you sat behind your fears, you didn’t do anything and what did that cost you. Really think on that.
We’ll take this further next week.
As I always say, if you want to share your thoughts and your progress, leave a comment below or e-mail me and let me know what’s been happening for you. I’m investing in you and want to support you in your success! (Did you notice what I did there? I asked for something I wanted!)
Your partner in the art of asking,
James